Hey, late night writing sesh so here it goes......
I have never been fulfilled with my life, now i don’t know whether that is due to the choices I have made, or the choices that have not yet, crossed my path. I am however, an idealist, now again I’m not too sure whether this is a good characteristic or something that will be quite destructive.
I have always wanted more in life, commitment, work and those roles we feel necessary in society almost make me want to run away even further. I feel lost lately, and i absolutely hate it, it could be due to the fact i have now finished my life in education, and now after pushing myself through years of hard work and stress, i have nothing to show for myself. Yeah, i am proud and yes i have a great degree, but what do i truly have. It seems everyone is moving too fast around me, and I’m motionless or even just kind of floating about in my own world.
I can tell you this, although the choices i have made in life are truly of my own doing so, i feel they have all led me to the biggest choice i have and will ever make. Leaving for Australia, on my own with my life in a backpack scares me, it scares me more than i can even say. Yeah im going to see and experience some of the most amazing things i think i will ever see and feel. But i am truly scared of being alone, alone. I want so badly to find the things in life that truly make me happy as staying in the UK is certainly not something i want. Why would i want to be around people who have no ambition in life, no enthusiasm to find the things in life that are so rare and daring.
I am leaving behind not only friends and family, but i feel like I have to leave behind a little bit of me, which freaks me out. I love all things beauty and fashion, and it’s always been a big part of my life, however, i know this is something that i will have to become detached from.
I have no idea what is in store for me, but i am hoping that i find the things that make me realise that what i am doing is a good thing, and in life if those ambitions don’t scare you then i guess they’re not worth it, right?!
Talk about a depressing blog...I just want to be able to look back at this when I’m over there and realise I’m doing this for a reason and for nobody else.
I am 21 with absolute freedom, this can either go two ways, however, when i look back and see all i have achieved i am sure this is going to be something i will not regret
Peace out, ill keep the blogs coming, although they will not be so deep next time, i promise